you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I believe in your delicious
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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