what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
