Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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