I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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