dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Moan for me like Helen Keller
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
