Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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