Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Come see our sink grown plant.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
