i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize