Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
