I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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