She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
