She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
