Redeem this text for a blowjob
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize