Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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