i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
