can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
