Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
