You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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