...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
