Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
