yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
