can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
