So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
