Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Randomize
