Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just gargled with NyQuil
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize