The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
