When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
