john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
