Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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