Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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