his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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