just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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