if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
