Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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