My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
