farters have to be the big spoon...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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