Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
