Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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