I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
