I just made out with a guy for $7.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you win again, gameday.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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