Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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