all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
