I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
do nipples grow back?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
