Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it was like eating out sand paper
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
