sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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