i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
