either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
