My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
