I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
