Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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