I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
