he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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