Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
