he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
