beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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