How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
