Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
