drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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