if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
