He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize