my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
