Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
