I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
