I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
