meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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