She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Vodka?
Forever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
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