One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
