we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
