I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
