you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
