Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
